I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I want is dick and wine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
