i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
