:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Randomize
