Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
