She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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