i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
