I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
