She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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