In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
