Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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