From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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