smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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