LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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