Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
