tell your sister to shave her snatch
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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