So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
