Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
wow bdsm is so cute
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