my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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