last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
