Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
