I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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