U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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