she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
