she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
