So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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