he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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