What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
