Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
