My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
