If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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