Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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