My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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