I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
