she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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