my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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