I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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