I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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