I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize