When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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