im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
time to smoke my breakfast
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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