it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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