I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
