loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
