I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
