Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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