So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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