I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my poor anus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
