ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
