Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
