I met the friendliest cop last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
