I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
