hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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