she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize