Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
