I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize