I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
