I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
