He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
