Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
