her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
