I just gift wrapped bread.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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