Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
