oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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