He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
