Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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