Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have feelings that need drinking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
