This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
