I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
