I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
