I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have fence marks all over my body
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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