Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
