I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
