i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
