It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
