I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i came on her dog
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
