Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
