My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
