my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
