He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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