i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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