You smell like stripper and shame
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
