got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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