My sheets look like a crime scene.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
